It's no ordinary week in the YFFL. YFFL super-owner Steve Dugas gets married this weekend and the occasion may hold more burning questions than an entire football season. In an effort to sort them out, Bobby Sansone and Nick Wood sat down to play a little "Over/Under" with some of the more intriguing subplots to Steve's upcoming nuptials.
Sorry, but The Woodlands is already booked...
3 - Number of allergy symptoms (sneezes, runny nose, watery eyes) Steve shows signs of during the outdoor wedding ceremony
Nick: This one is a PUSH, three. Becky has probably prepared a complete allergy kit for Steve, but she has to remember that Steve is allergic to everything, so at least three symptoms is unavoidable. Did Steve forget that there are horses within 1500 feet of the reception site? Animals are like kryptonite, your allergy medications are not going to stop it all. Let's just hope that Becky took all of the precautions not to have anything on the dining menu that Steve's allergic to.
Bobby: I'll take the OVER. This will undoubtedly be the subplot of the wedding. Everyone will be watching Steve's nose and there will be at least 20 handkerchiefs in his breast pocket. There are 2 great mysteries hovering over the Dugas wedding. One being how Steve, the most allergic man on the planet, will hold up at an outdoor wedding (on a farm nonetheless) and two, why Steve, the biggest fantasy football fanatic we have ever met, scheduled his wedding in the middle of fantasy football and baseball season!
50 - Rotoworld.com site visits during his 10-day honeymoon Mediterranean cruise
Nick: I'll take the UNDER here. Steve's not going to want to spend the money to get onto the computer in the lounges more than say three times per day. Although Steve, Becky does not need that nice new necklace...
Bobby: I'll take the OVER here. I'm guessing quick runs back to the room every hour. There is no way Steve is going to miss out on a waiver wire pick-up of Early Doucet if Boldin or Breaston get injured. He'll also be watching out for Tavaris Jackson trade rumors, Thomas Jones injury reports, and of course Michael Crabtree updates.
4 - Inappropriate comments Mike posts in the forum about Steve during his honeymoon
"What's this doing under the mattress, Steve?"
Nick: Mike, it better be OVER. Along with Vince Young, it is another wedding gift from Mike to Steve. Plus, it sounds like Steve painted Mike and Aceto into a corner during the draft, so he has to still be steaming about that...well, maybe not considering how well Santonio Holmes has done so far...
Bobby: OVER. Easily. Especially if Steve doesn't have easy access to the internet. This could get ugly. It would be like putting a pit bull in a cage with a kitten. I will probably cringe every time I click on "Forum" that week...
70% - Percentage of time Steve thinks about fantasy football in order to get aroused during intimacy on his honeymoon
Nick: UNDER. Don't you realize how much of a cock block it is for Steve to know that Michael Crabtree has NOT signed yet AND Percy Harvin has already scored a TD?!?!? Talk about your all-time buzz kills.
Bobby: UNDER. I'll give Steve the benefit of the doubt here. It probably goes something like this: Yasmine Bleeth, Kristen Kreuk, Chick from Survivor, Ray Rice, Leon Washington, Charles Johnson, Matt Stafford, MATT STAFFORD, MMAATTTTT SSSTTTAAAFFFFFOOORRRDDD aaaahhhh, goodnight Becky (snoring ensues)
25 - Number of beers Scott Dugas drinks on Steve's wedding day
Nick: OVER. The question was on Steve's wedding day, not just the reception. He's limited himself to a case of Bud Heavy (24) at the reception/cocktail hour, so odds that he has at least two beers before or after the reception is pretty good.
Bobby: OVER. Another great subplot to this wedding will certainly be the Scott Dugas / Pam Dugas showdown. Tensions are already running high and the only way Scott can possibly make it through this wedding is to get a head start on the Bud Heavys. I'm putting the total count somewhere around Wade Boggs territory of 64 and an appearance at the Kinsman after party.
"Hell of a party, Scott...uh, I mean Greg...or is it Steve? Uncle Skip?"
2 - Number of Scott Dugas employees, at the wedding, who mistakenly call Steve "Scott" or even "Greg" after a few cocktails at the reception
Nick: OVER. I'm guessing the mix-up is going to occur because all three of them are likely to be in similar suits. Greg and Steve for sure, but I would assume that this is the first time that any of the employees have seen Scott Dugas in a suit, so they are going to be confused after a couple cold ones.
Bobby: UNDER. Mixing up the Dugas family at Scott Dugas Trucking and Excavating is unfathomable. Do that and chances are you'll end up buried in a ditch excavated by Scott Dugas. If there were a Trucking and Excavating "Family", Scott would be Tony, Greg would be Paulie, and Steve would be Vito. A word to the wise, don't mention "Storey Brothers" at the wedding. You may not make it home.
2 - Number of football-related theme songs that are played during the reception
Nick: This one is a toughie because it's at least two. But since I've already gone with a "push" AND Steve does not know any other music, I have to go with the OVER. When he and Becky sat down to make a request list for the DJ, it probably went something like this:
Becky: "We Are Family" - Sister Sledge
Steve: "NFL Sunday Countdown" - ESPN
Becky: "Dancing Queen" - ABBA
Steve: "NFL Primetime" - ESPN
Becky: "Love Shack" - The B-52's
Steve: "Sunday Night Football" - NBC
Becky: "Footloose" - Kenny Loggins
Steve: "Are You Ready for Some Football?" - Hank Williams
Bobby: UNDER. Steve has already pre-loaded his iPod with 7 different fantasy football podcasts in preparation for Week 2. He had a custom earpiece designed to fit perfectly in his ear and will be wearing it throughout the ceremony and reception so he does not hear any music at all - only the likes of Matthew Berry, Brandon Funston, and Eric Karabell discussing if Tashard Choice will get any special teams duty this week.