After a 371 day hiatus writing for YFFL.com, I'm finally back!! I've put the trauma of the Dwayne Allen game behind me and am looking forward to a new season to forget about the fact I'm up to my elbows in dirty diapers, tantrum throwing 3 year olds and dogs puking in the middle of the night (the one night of the week the kids all manage to sleep through the night). Looks like we have an exciting draft class this year, so without further ado, let's get to mocking!
Heir to the Rocky Mountain Horseradish Sauce fortune, Christian McCaffrey will attempt to stand on his own two feet with a career in the NFL and figures to be a top pick in this year's YFFL Draft
1. Brothers - RB Leonard Fournette JAX
It can be easy to forget how good Fournette is as he missed a lot of time in college, but when he was on the field it was usually lines like this: 178 yards rushing and 3 TDs. Sure, the landing spot stinks, but he is by far the most talented athlete in the draft. The Brothers have a big hole at RB and it will be easy to take Fournette over the top ranked WR.
2. Buddies - RB Dalvin Cook MIN
I'm still not sure which team has the least amount of talent currently on the roster between the Buddies and Thugs, but armed with two top seven picks, Mike will have a good chance to leave draft night knowing it's no longer the Buddies. It will be really difficult picking between the top four RBs but Mike will be all over Cook if he doesn't go in the top spot. Cook is a smooth runner and pass catcher and will be a perfect fit with Bradford and all his three yard pass attempts up in Minnesota.
3. Refugees - RB Christian McCaffrey CAR
Easy pick here as McCaffrey just feels like he would be a member of the Refugees. McCaffrey caught a million balls in college but the Panthers have never been one to use the short passing game. It will be interesting to see if they maximize McCaffrey's talent or if Cam Newton continues to just chuck it deep and steal all the goal line carries for himself.
4. Thugs - RB Joe Mixon CIN
Quite possibly the highest drafted criminal in league history (Editor's Note: He narrowly edges out time traveling zodiac killer Eli Manning), Joe Mixon lands with of all teams, the "THUGS". Mixon would have likely been the first RB drafted in the NFL this year if not for his off-field issues. On a team in dire need of some talent they get a big time one here at #4.
5. White Guys - WR Corey Davis TEN
The White Guys have an easy pick here as there is a clear drop in talent after the top five picks in the draft. The White Guys scoop up the top WR in this year's draft class. Davis was a beast the last few years playing in a weak conference but that didn't stop the Titans from taking him 5th overall. Davis could have a career similar to Dez Bryant's, just without the screaming at Tony Romo on the sideline. Mark down the White Guys has a sneaky spot to maybe spring the first surprise of the draft and take a QB.
6. Beans - WR John Ross CIN
The Beans will be actively shopping this pick come draft week as they will not want to be the team that has to pick first from the second tier of prospects. Ultimately they keep the pick and take the player who owns the fastest time in combine history. Ross has a long and extensive injury history, but take a minute to watch his highlight video, he scored 23 TDs last season and plays like Antonio Brown.
With his "Back to the NFL" shopping done, Marshawn Lynch is ready to help a YFFL team this season. Where will he land in this year's draft?
7. Buddies - QB DeShaun Watson HOU (From Bear)
Three years after Peyton Manning walked away to focus on commercials full time, the Buddies finally pick a franchise QB...or do they? Just because we all expect Mike to take a QB means he probably won't, but then again if we think he won't because he thinks we think he will, will he???? Anyone else confused by that last sentence? Every other player available at this point is a dart throw; why not throw one at a QB after already landing a top player at the top of the draft.
8. Merry Men - RB Kareem Hunt KC
It's too soon, even for me, to start taking the TEs and the Buddies just stole Watson one pick in front of me, so I'll grab the guy that Rotoworld says is hard to tackle and good in pass protection. Hopefully he beats out Spencer Ware by October as the Merry Men embark on yet another 6-7 or 7-6 campaign. Being a middle of the road YFFL team might be one of the least fun places to be.
9. Huskers - RB Marshawn Lynch OAK
After closing out last season with five straight wins, the Huskers believe they are title contenders and take the aging Lynch coming off of his one year retirement. This is going to go one of two ways. Either Lynch ends up on one of Bri's teams or the Merry Men and bombs by playing two games and gets hurt or he ends up on the Huskers or Dragons and has a 100 point season. It's just how it is going to play out.
10. Boys - RB Alvin Kamara NO
This team has very few needs...maybe a higher end QB, but that's about it. Chris considers taking a TE to back up the oft-injured Eifert but ultimately can't pass up the guy brought in to play the Reggie Bush role for the Saints.
11. Orangutangs - RB Samaje Perine WAS
Much like the Greek sirens lured sailors to a watery grave, the Washington franchise does the same thing to fantasy owners each year with their newest RB addition. Perine owns the Oklahoma school rushing record over a guy they call A.P. Will he finally be the one to break the curse? Also, Gibby thanks you Jon for making sure Perine is off the board before he picks.
12. Mallards - TE OJ Howard TB
With most of the top WR and RB prospects off the board, the Mallards take the first TE in this draft. Howard was criminally underutilized at Alabama and will have a much better pro career than college. While the other two top TEs might have a higher ceiling than Howard, they lack the floor Howard has.
"The broken neck won't be a problem," said rookie Mike Williams (above). "I fully expect to contribute this season for whichever YFFL team is lucky enough to draft me."
13. Dragons - RB Donta Foreman HOU
With a really good roster already in place, Jon takes a player that he hopes can eventually step in for his RB duo of Gore and Forte. Foreman looked good in his first preseason game. I could see him having a good preseason and landing as high as the #6 pick.
14. Llamas - TE David Njoku CLE
It's not every day we have a Brown selected in the first round, which is probably smart as damn near everyone one of them has busted over the years. Njoku is basically Calvin Johnson, but a TE. The Llamas lone weakness is their TE spot. If they hit on this pick, watch them cruise to another 11 win season.
15. Merry Men - WR Mike Williams SD (From Chickens)
Wait, what? The Chargers moved? LA doesn't want two teams though...oh that's right, NFL owners are greedy. Mike Williams has gone from being a lock top three pick before the draft to potentially not even being drafted in the YFFL first round. Williams missed a season of college with a broken neck and now has a herniated disc in his back. He will be the definition of a boom or bust pick.
16. Defending Champion Eaters - TE Evan Engram NYG
After foolishly trading the number three pick last year for Melvin Gordon and missing out on Sterling Shepard and somehow winning their first title in decades, the Eaters finally get their Giant in Evan Engram. He's listed as a TE but he is built like a WR and runs like one too. I can't imagine he will be asked to do much blocking. Much like the Llamas, the Eaters have only one weakness and that is TE. It should be fun watching the Llamas and Eaters match-up in an arms race this season. I'm also predicting these guys win back-to-back titles.
[time passes, Steve breaks out some snack mix, Anthony and Bri lose their internet connections, Mike asks Jon to draft his kickers for him, Bobby proudly announces that one of Chris' players just got hurt in that night's preseason game]
31. Chickens - WR Cooper Kupp LAR
The Chickens snap up Cooper Kupp before he can become someone's third round steal. The Western Kentucky star has sure hands and runs crisp routes. He is also a big target which will be helpful with someone like Jared Goff throwing him the pigskin. Nick hopes Kupp can follow in the footsteps of all the great Chickens before him.